This Sunday I will be travelling to Greetham Valley with my pub, golf society for this year’s weekend, away. The format is two days, 36 holes and as much beer as you can drink - I understand that scores are considerably lower on the second day, and it is considered poor form to sneak off to bed early to gain a competitive edge.

Although we will be playing Stableford, which should in theory at least give me some sort of chance, I’m being realistic and will play to my strengths. One of the things I’m starting to realise is that I can out-drive, much more experienced golfers than myself. In the macho world of Pub Golf, the “Longest Drive” competition, holds as much cachet as overall winner.

With this in mind, I have decided to maximise my chances by using Nike ‘Juice’ Golf Balls (maximum length formula). This is the most I’ve ever paid for golf balls, but I’ve been reading good things and decided to try them out. I particularly like the warning on the box - “A user’s enhanced distance and scoring may adversely affect the moods of playing partners”.

It then goes on to say that, “Nike biochemists spent years……in their search for pharmaceutical grade balls…..for external use only. Contains 12 white pills to maximise length.” The recommended dosage is one Juice ball in the morning to be taken with black coffee - I only hope I can drive straight enough so that I only need one ball in the morning. The packaging wouldn’t look out of place in a Damien Hirst exhibition and I’m sure Art collectors will have paid far more then I did, down at my local Golf Direct.

Lets see if they go the GINORMOUS HUGANTIC DISTANCE, the manufacturers claim.

I couldn’t let it lie!…not much to ask for - a 7 day break, with the family in the sun & sea….and no Golf. But oh no! someone in their wisdom decided to put a pitch & putt course, right on the promenade at Playa Dorado, Lanzarote.

I resisted until the 6th day, but by this time we had become friendly with the folks in the neighbouring apartment and it turns out Dave is a golfer as well….bugger! So while everyone else was lazing around the pool, me, Dave and his two boys, crept off and caught a bus to Hesperia, Playa Dorada, Pitch & Putt.

It’s a 9 hole course, total length 463m, with a rather formidable 75m, 8th. hole (stroke index - 2). It’s the first time I’ve encountered Wood-Peckers on a Fairway and volcanic rocks for sand-traps/bunkers. A good time was had, finished off by some well earned beers as we gazed out to sea.

For the record, Dave won, but I did beat his two sons, aged 14 and 7…..obviously I wouldn’t be mentioning this, if I had lost to a 7 year old, who had never played golf before - I don’t care if it is pitch & putt!!!

After Tiger’s observation on the fitness of his fellow competitors, John Daly has predictably responded by saying that he has no intention of changing his lifestyle. Daly says that he’ll continue to do it his way (and why not, seems like a formula for success) - “I’m fat, I Smoke, and I’m proud”…erm quite, John.

Speaking of being a lazy oaf, I’m off for a 7 day break. Nothing more energetic than cocktails at Cafe’ Del Mar, listening to ambient music as the sun goes down - and definitely no clubs (dance or golf!).

My only concession to golf is that I will be taking Tom Cox’s new book, ‘ Bring me the head of Sergio Garcia’, for poolside reads.

Tigers Woods won his 13th Major by two shots, with an 8-under par, 272. Watched by wife Elin and 2 month old daughter, Sam Alexis, Tiger picked up the PGA Championship for the second consecutive year, together with a check for $1.26m.

Woods Austin and Ernie Els, provided the nearest competition, with Big Ernie discovering some of his old form to finish with a creditable 5-under par, 275 - but in the end it was too little, too late.

Somewhat uncharacteristically, Tiger partially attributed his win to his superior fitness and conditioning. In so doing he took a little side-swipe at his fellow competitors, who he thought were perhaps not taking the sport, in all it’s aspects, as seriously as they should be.

Maybe he had a point - clearly much of the competition had wilted in stifling temperatures, including Padraig Harrington who was seen cowering from the sun under a white towel - shortly before he waived it in submission.

This latest major, triumph puts Tiger now just five behind the great Jack Nicklaus and remains on course for his date with destiny.

The 89th PGA Championship tees off today at the Southern Hills Country Club, Oklahoma. Billed as the hottest major ever (temperatures are expected to reach 38 Degrees C) Tiger Woods begins as tournament favourite, after last week’s 8 shot victory at the WGC Bridgestone Invitational, warm-up event. The PGA Championship has traditionally been kind to first time winners, so don’t bet against another newbie Major winner this year.

So far this year, we’ve had three major championships and three first-time major winners - Zach Johnson won the Masters, then Cabrera followed by winning the US Open , and just recently saw Padraig Harrington snatch victory at the British Open.

Putting your money on an outsider this year is no longer considered wishful thinking, but possibly the wise move….in financial investment, parlance, ” the trend is your friend”